I got the last story written for the book coming out around halloween, there will be a total of 8 and hopefully some additions to at least one of the stories.

also may have an editor worked out so thats a good thing.

trying to adjust to my new life and struggling in some ways. but i am hoping this will get better!


my author page where love gets shot in the head excecution style.............
https://www.facebook.com/authorjasonmueller

Another boring weekend, did nothing today but play with the Facebook author page, man I tell you zuckerberg just sucks anymore. so controlling with so many rules and with so many costing now and the limited number of people who see your posts. Its just insane!

I got a nasty gram about adding people, its social media what else are you going to do.!!

OK rant over thanks :P

like i said above really boring, i could have should have gotten stuff done today but i struggle with ADHD and add in all the drama and life changes of the last 8 months i'm just fried.

how was everyones weekend?

jake

Hello me it's me again..........

Hello friends it's been a long time. There have been a lot of changes since the last time I posted. I've gone through the worst time in my life. I am now divorced, and living without my kids, this is especially hard considering I was a stay at home dad for 3.5 years. Its a huge change for the kids and I.

I'm still a wreck in some ways, I get almost giddy when i get to see the kids, and i cry like a baby when i have to tell them good bye again. will this get better? I'm believing it will to an extent but until then.....

Writing. I haven't done a lot, but I have written a few short stories, I now have enough to release an anthology of shorts. My bestie C.L. Foster has created an awesome cover for me. I got the title picked out, thank God that titles are easy for me.

so whats next? finish one last story, and then lots of editing and then...... i dont have a clue but i'm getting excited about maybe getting published finally!

here is a little something for you to enjoy.

                                               this is a relic of the first known possessed nun...........

Blog Interview.

Terri Callsen of "A Touched with Fire Individual" blog asked me to participate in an interview for a blog she was doing and i thought i would post it just in case anyone cared.

Her blog can be located at http://tlctouchedwithfire.wordpress.com/people-who-keep-moving-forward/

Meet Jason Mueller!

Now here’s a funny guy with a sense of humour. Like most creative persons out there we have our depressive moments and even in what seems like the deepest blackest hole there is a there is a light shining in this person and I’d like you to meet him.

What are some of the things you’re passionate about?

My wife and kids, God, politics, music, and succeeding at something after a life time of failure.

At the end of the day what keeps you “moving forward”?

My four kids! I realize that no matter what’s going on in my life it’s their lives that count. Nothing makes me angrier than parents who put their lives and needs constantly ahead of the kids. For example the kind of folks who sit there smoking away on the new carton of cigarettes they just dropped fifty bucks on but they are complaining the don’t have food and diapers for their baby! I’ll get off my soap box now.

When you’re depressed what helps bring you out?

Honestly sometimes nothing brings me out, wish it weren’t the case. Personally I’ve been in a horribly depressed state for almost two years now and have just recently been shocked out of it into some kind of action, but even now the damage I did to my relationships is depressing. My question is “what’s it like to not be depressed?

If there was one statement you could make that you stand for what would it be?

I’m really in a transition right now trying to get the help I’ve needed for a long time. So at the moment it would be “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.” And “with man nothing is possible, but with God all things are possible.  Oooh and I can’t forget this from Conan the Barbarian “Crush you enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.”

How do you “combat” negativity when it presents itself?

I don’t know to be honest; it’s not a skill that I am very good at. Sometimes it’s just snuggling with the kids, listening to so music, pull out the bass and play a little.

What’s your favorite movie?

Oh gee umm let me see. I guess it would be “National Lampoons Christmas Vacation” if not then “Conan the Barbarian”  oh wait I really like the first Shrek a lot, the kids say I look like him, oh and Finding Nemo. I liked Sinister a lot too………… I dunno?

Who is/are the people that inspire you to keep moving forward?

My wife and kids, Jesus Christ and Dory from Finding Nemo……… “Just keep swimming”

Do you have any links that you’d like to share with us?

Life has been hard.

Been having some issues, they're ugly! been hard to write feeling the way i have been so depressed and all.
to try and get back into things i thought i would start with a short story, thanks to the lovely Victoria Adams it is edited and ready to go. i hope you it disturbs you.

God Forgive Me

Jason Mueller

Terry stood in the scalding water trying to wash the dirty feeling from his soul: no amount of scrubbing would take the guilt away. Deep soul wrenching sobs making his body shake, how could he do this to Mary? This wasn’t like him! Now she knew, her heart was broken and she wanted a divorce.

            They had made it through his first affair after much pain and suffering for the both of them. Things were going well enough; at least Terry thought things were OK. He knew he was battling depression and that he was miserable with life in general, but he loved Mary and he was happy with her. She was the one bright spot in his life. How he wished that he could show her how much she meant to him.

            Then he met someone on Facebook. He wasn’t looking for anyone, he really loved his wife. His Facebook buddy was a great friend and shared the common ground of writing. Collaboration was easy, and they even joined a contest together. All the teasing and plotting together and excitement turned to inappropriate conversations. “How could I be so stupid?” he fumed. Finally when he was confronted he told her no more of that talk and that had been the end.

            He liked the girl on Facebook. She was a good writing partner and the creative input was stimulating making his mind hum with various book ideas. Allowing things to get out of hand had cost him not only his wife but a friend that could help with writing and career. Even at that he would lose a thousand friends and careers to keep his wife but now maybe things had gone too far for her to forgive; maybe now she was hurt too much.

            Drying off h went into the bedroom; she sat on the bed staring off into space. He reached for her; she pulled away. There were no tears this time, just a blank stare. She seemed emotionally frozen, unreachable.

“Honey please! You have to know how sorry I am, please let me fix this! I will do whatever it takes.”

            “Terry it’s too late I’m over it, I’m over you, I’m over everything.”

            She got up from the bed and left the room leaving him alone with his guilt and tears. Lying on the bed, holding her pillow, sobbing. In time mental exhaustion took over and he fell into a deep sleep where his dreams took him to places he never wanted to go again.

            He dreamt of his wife leaving him; saw her in another man’s arms. Even in his dreams his body was wracked with pain, Ever there he was sobbing and begging her to forgive him and let him fix himself and their marriage. But she ignored him and walked away.

            He awoke feeling exhausted but more determined to reconcile if she would let him. He finished dressing grabbing a pair of shorts and a T-shirt from the dresser. Making his way down stairs he looked for her Mary.

            Not finding her he called out for her, no answer. Panic seemed to creep in and over take him. Something was wrong, he could feel it. There was this sense of evil in the air. He couldn’t explain why he felt this way but it seemed to overpower him, like as smell of something gone bad.  Dashing through the house, Terry checked every room, finally reaching garage. There he found Mary hanging from the rafters by her neck; her face was blue and her eyes bulging.

            “Mary!” He sobbed rushing to her, trying to free her body and yet knowing in his heart he was too late. He couldn’t manage to take her weight and undo the knot so he sadly released her body and watched her as she dangled like a macabre decoration. Running back to the kitchen, he grabbed a knife from the butcher block. Back out in the garage he tried lifting her again with one hand while cutting her down with the other.

            He lowered his beloved wife to the dirty floor and sat holding her lifeless body as he sobbed, stroking her hair. Terry now wished that he could feel that pain of dreams and silent rejection from before. This pain, this pain felt as though his heart was being ripped from his chest. He held her until he could cry no more. Mary was gone now and never would return. Terry’s mind had snapped with grief of his betrayal. To lose her this way was just too much for him to bear.

            “I can’t live without her.” He thought as he lurched into the house carrying her body. He carried her up to the bedroom laying her gently on the bed. He removed the rope from her neck. Lovingly he removed her clothes leaving her naked. In his tormented mind she looked as lovely as she had in life. She had been his reason for breathing. Now the hatred he felt for himself filled him with a rage that threatened to consume him. Lost in his now psychotic grief, he was beyond the reach of reason.

            He stripped down lying naked beside her. He leaned over to give her one last kiss; never, noticing the coolness of her skin. With tears in his eyes, terry retrieved the knife from where he had left it on the night stand and lay back against his pillow.

            “God forgive me!” He sobbed as he plunged the knife into his heart. Terry felt the pain of the blade but embraced it as a real pain and not the shadowy demons that chased him in his dream. He deserved this didn’t he? In his mind it seemed to be a penance of sorts. As the blood pulsed out of his damaged heart he finally seemed to find some warmth and happiness. Fading from the loss of blood Terry envisioned the two of them holding each other in love and the comfort of God. He hoped that this final desperate act would bring him the forgiveness he so desperately sought. Falling into darkness he imagined Mary waiting in heaven for him.

            Terry drifted off, not to heaven but to hell, his sins would never be forgiven. Mary would not wait for him at the gates of heaven. The two of them lay naked on the bed, she blue with her neck twisted unnaturally; he with his eyes open and a small smile on his face in a puddle of blood spreading out against the white sheets with small pastel flowers.

            A dark figure moved out of the shadows. Its work was done. He came to destroy them; and, had done so. Knowing their weaknesses he had exploited them. For weeks he had whispered into the unheeded parts of Terry’s mind that he wasn’t happy with life. What could it hurt to just talk to another woman on the internet? He could do it and just be friends. Once the door was open the whispers changed now enticing him to his indiscretions while another black figure whispered into the ear of a woman a thousand miles away urging her into the excitement of the forbidden. All the while the shadow was whispering into Mary’s ear that Terry didn’t love her, didn’t need her, didn’t cherish her, and didn’t think she was attractive anymore and a hundred other lies.

            The figure looked down at the two. It felt no compassion at the tragedy it wrought; only contempt for yet two more humans just like all the others he had spent eternity destroying. The figure left the bedroom without a sound walking away from the crumpled beings and shattered souls.

            Terry awoke with a start. The pain was incredible. He was burning in a sea of fire, black shadows all round. In the distance he could hear Mary’s screams of anguish. By driving her to her own destruction, he had sentenced her to live in hell with him. Now he would live with his guilt and her torment for eternity.

            

Thank Goodness Christmas is over!

i never really enjoy the holidays but this year has been the worst christmas ever. wont get into the the reasons why but it just wasn't fun with what seemed to be the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I am looking forward to this new year! i have hope that i will be able to correct my wrongs and forgiveness will be forth coming and we can get back to the business of living instead of this miserable existence.

i am reading a new zombie book, so far i'm digging it! I will do a review of sorts when i'm done.

got our first real snow today, yesterday was a green christmas, it really didn't feel like christmas not sure if it was the lack of snow or the other junk?

i hope and pray that everyone enjoyed their christmas, and that it was peaceful and drama free

jake

This is something I wrote a couple years ago and some of you may have read this, I have added a bit to it this year so there are some changes, for those of you who have not read this before I pray that it makes you take pause and consider your life, your destiny and your eternity.

Mary Christmas!

I wanted to take a moment and wish everyone a Mary Christmas.

Yes I know it should be Merry Christmas. I was thinking that it might be a good time to acknowledge the Virgin Mary in this quick note.

So we all know that the reason for the season is of course Jesus Christ. But I think there is value in taking a quick look at Mary this Christmas season.

I think we should honor Mary for a number of reasons such as her character and integrity. The angel said to her that she was highly favored by God when he announced to her that she was to conceive the savior of the world. How can one be highly favored by a perfect and Holy God with out having an excellent character. It makes me ponder what kind of person one must be to be highly favored by God and for God to have that kind of confidence in them to raise his son and usher in the new covenant that has the potential to reconcile all mankind back to God?

This virgin birth is one of the cornerstones to our faith, there are many prophecies concerning the messiah but the virgin birth has to be one of the big ones. Indeed this is one of the main things that set Jesus apart from other religious figures of other faiths, Buddha, Mohammed, nor could Krishna make the claim to be the son of God. It was Christ’s divinity that allowed him to be the savior of the world, and it was the virgin birth that fulfilled what was written by the prophet Isaiah so many hundreds of years before.

Isa 7:14

14 Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel.

NKJV

For those of you who aren’t aware the name Immanuel when translated means “God with us” and that is the beauty of our faith, our God clothed himself in flesh and came to save us!

And to my friends that scoff at the concept of the virgin birth, from our view, our God is the creator of everything and as the author of life the virgin birth was indeed miraculous but ultimately not out of Gods ability, and to my friends who scoff at the virgin birth and have chosen evolution as your religion since you believe and profess that life came from nothing, the virgin birth should come as no surprise.


Would Mary have perpetrated this ruse if it wasn't true? In her time and culture being pregnant out of wed lock could have been her death if Joseph had chosen. She could have claimed rape or some other claim but she didn't she clung to the promise of God in her life and his protection and provision. She accepted the call on her life despite the inherent risk to herself while so many turn their backs on God when he calls them into a soul saving relationship with him.

Another thing to contemplate about her character is her faith! She didn’t doubt that God was going to do what he said he was going to do. She did ask the angel how it was all going to happen though. But keep in mind that she was asking the how; not doubting. God doesn’t mind you asking about logistics he does mind doubt though.

God trusted her to raise his son as her son, to train him in all ways. What an honor but not with out its risks. In that day and age to be pregnant without being married was punishable by stoning. The fact was she had the faith in God to risk being killed showed her devotion to God.

She not only saw the beauty and wonderment of the life that sprang forth from her body and all the miracles that Jesus would do, but she was there as a faithful witness to the mutilation and final death of her son. I think sometimes we forget the human trauma she suffered while witnessing all of these things because we get wrapped up in the “theology” of the season. Can you imagine watching your son being killed in front of you?

 Mary watched, that’s what she did. She watched the savior take his first steps, she watched as he played, she watched as he became a man, she watched as he learned his earthly fathers’ trade, she watched as he turned water into wine, she watched demons departed at his voice, and people healed just by touching his clothes. But this isn’t all she observed. She watched as Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey to the cheering of the multitude, she also watched that multitude turn on her son and chant for his crucifixion, she watched the religious leaders beat her son and pull his beard, she watched roman soldiers flog her son till his insides were exposed, and she watched them nail her son, her baby to a cross, she watched as he gave his last breath, she watched as they stabbed him with a spear to see if he was dead, she watched as the centurion that carried out the murder of her son changed his mind and decided that her son was the son of God, she watched as they took his body down from the cross, she watched as they laid him in a tomb. Can you imagine witnessing the destruction of your child?

But there were other things she witnessed, she was there when he had risen and appeared to them, she was there when he ascended to heaven to receive his kingdom, and she was there on the day of Pentecost when the church was born in fulfillment of her sons’ life work.

To really think about it, it’s all too much to bear! What a strong woman, strong in character and strong in faith. I don’t think we should worship Mary as some do, but we should be willing to look at her life and find an excellent example and encouragement.

As we look to this New Year I pray that we all may have a Mary heart, be submitted to God, and willing to watch what he does in our lives!

jake